How obedient daughters are made: Open letter to parents

I originally wrote this on January 5, 2009.

That's more than a year from now. I decided not to post it last year because I wasn't feeling "stable" -- no, I wasn't going mad or anything, but I admit that I was emotional. Today, I don't remember what made me write the following, but it still sounds true.

Before you read and jump to crazy conclusions: I'm perfectly happy with my relationship with my parents who love me and will give me anything that will make me happy -- as long as it does not go against their faith.

And here the letter starts...

"Just because I say so" is not a reason. Stop using it. It makes us more and more stupid every time.

That's until we realize that we'll be obedient daughters just because we could and just because it's the only way we could stay under your roof peacefully. By "peacefully", we mean, you're at peace with yourself because you can order us around to do whatever YOU think is right.

Steps on becoming an obedient daughter is really pretty easy. You just have to switch to the passive aggressive state of mind - that means, just shut up and listen; do whatever mom/dad says without contest, whether you find it reasonable or not. What's the point of asking for a reason anyway? It'll all end up to "just because I say so". Actually it may also end up with "I shouldn't have to explain this to you" which is just as stupid because we wouldn't be asking for explanation if we understood in the first place right?

Then you have to act cool about it. You'll hide your anger and your tears because you have to appear like you understand. You'll tuck in all your feelings and risk yourself of heart attack. The next time mom/dad talks to you, you'll smile like nothing happened, then they'd think that all is well.

Sometimes this works out - we realize that all you really thought about was our safety. But still, we have questions that need answers. What will ever happen to these questions? Well, we have our girlfriends to ask. But our girlfriends are just as "immature" as we are - in the end we'll all feel even more misconstrued.

We'd end up bitter. We'd turn out as you expected us because we followed all the rules. But we'll turn out not quite as you expected us because there's something there that you couldn't quite put your foot on... something amiss... something you don't understand.

My mom told me that you won't see what you did wrong in parenting until your kids grows up, just when it's too late. She understands. Astoundingly, she understands a lot. But I guess we all sort of understand each other - all of us who always get the "just because I said so", and the "I really shouldn't even have to explain this."