Twilight Crap

Bella is full of crap. This is teenage pregnancy waiting to happen. I mean come on!

I read Twilight just to prove to you how crappy it is. I don't want to listen to anymore, "but you haven't even read it yet?!" SHUTUP!

Chapter 7
"I was already in too deep. Now that I knew — if I knew — I could do nothing about my frightening secret. Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now."

In too deep? You haven't even kissed yet! You haven't even had sex yet! What the hell is wrong with you girl? You're an embarrassment to all women! I know that Stephenie Meyer researched about her audience before she wrote the book... but does it mean that Bella is actually the embodiment of her most generic audience? THAT IS JUST SAD, PEOPLE! Pathetic little creature.

Chapter 9
I suddenly realized that I had never once noticed what he was wearing — not just tonight, but ever. I just couldn't seem to look away from his face. I made myself look now, focusing. He was removing a light beige leather jacket now; underneath he wore an ivory turtleneck sweater. It fit him snugly, emphasizing how muscular his chest was.

OMG. I wouldn't even write that in my own personal diary. That is too embarrassing. It's not that I wouldn't admit to such stupid crushy-mushy-whatever but it's just that I'm too sane for that.

A friend of a friend has a similar experience though...but much more easily forgivable. They went to watch the annual Oblation Run - where fraternity guys would run a course naked. Then after the run, my friend commented, "Oh my god, some didn't wear a mask", and she went, "really??"

Harry Potter on book 5 had more sense than this Bella-whatsherface.

Chapter 11.
I was stunned by the unexpected electricity that flowed through me, amazed that it was possible to be more aware of him than I already was. A crazy impulse to reach over and touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands balling into fists. I was losing my mind.

Seriously now.

Chapter 12.
There's no point in quoting from this chapter - I might just end up typing the whole thing. This Edward Cullen vampire guy can read people's minds but can't read Bella's - WOW! Something original! I'm no writer and I can write that kind of crap. Anyway, I'm not ranting about that. Why in the world would someone who's lived at least a hundred years NOT understand Bella? She's pathetic, and she's too ordinary. Just because you can't READ their minds, doesn't mean you can't read people. And something as ordinary as that girl is too easy to read, she's a boring friend. Is this vampire dense or what?

And what's with telling us about that girl's breakfast or that she fixes her hair? Are you deliberately wasting paper? And what about this - why in the world would anyone like the smell of a vampire's breath? Can you even IMAGINE that? These things don't cook their food and mostly from what I've watched, they don't wash them either.

Chapter 16.
Most of the wall space was taken up by towering bookshelves that reached high above my head and held more books than I'd ever seen outside a library.

Honest. But not well written. Bell from Beauty and the Beast's gasp was more intriguing than such description. This is like telling a story to a 7 year old just to bore him and force him to go to bed.

Chapter 23.
On the brink of death and in great pain - could you really summon yourself to say I love you to your boyfriend? That's way beyond cheesy!

Chapter 24.
"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him." There was a fierce note of regret in his voice.

WHAT?! You're serious about cutting off the most potentially interesting part of the book? Where the hell is my vampire show down? No fight? No infinite snarling? No ripping off of arms? NO REVENGE FOR EDWARD?

Look, this is the WORST time to NOT meet people's expectations. It's SO not cool.

Conclusions
Most of Stephenie Meyer's female subjects - when she was "researching" about teenagers for her book - are bad in sports, are bad in walking, always get into trouble, don't shower everyday even though they go to school everyday, like old men who look young, don't mind looking like a rag doll as long as they're dating the most popular boy in school - I think that kinda makes it complicated. Doesn't that translate to self-confidence? Not necessarily. It translates to wanting to live a fantasy - and the fantasy remains, "someone out of your league". Get a life.

These girls would probably end up as battered housewives. They fit in the description: low self esteem, who punish themselves to be with "the one they loved" even though they have no idea what that means, and they don't mind suffering irrationally for it.

Oh and they like it when the guy keeps on asking them what they're thinking. Well, that's something useful for the guys - though I doubt if you would really want to be with someone that self-absorbed. It's still useful information right?

Now about vampires. Are you telling me that they fall in love with FOOD? I can't imagine falling in love with a human chocolate.

I READ IT. HAPPY NOW?